Why it stayed
- You were a child and the loss was handled briskly or kept from you
- The circumstances were traumatic and you've avoided them ever since
- You were told, in words or in tone, that it was only an animal
- Life didn't pause, so you set it aside and never came back to it
It's not too late
Old grief responds to the same things as new grief: acknowledgement, telling the story properly, and doing something that marks the loss. Plenty of people arrive to this work years after the death and find it moves surprisingly quickly once it's finally allowed.
A place to start
Write what happened, in as much detail as you can bear, including the parts you've never said out loud. Then do one small deliberate act of remembrance. Grief needs a witness, even if that witness is a page.
Where to go next
Three things that people find useful at this point — all free to start.
Free guide
The First Fourteen Days
A day-by-day companion for the first two weeks after your pet dies: what to expect, what to lower the bar on, and small anchors to hold onto. Enter your email and I'll send it straight over.
Free quiz
Find your grief type
Two minutes, free, and it tells you which of the four areas to work on first.
Take the quizOnline programme
The GENTLE Path
Self-paced written lessons and audio practices that take the four areas one at a time — stop and return to it whenever you need.
Explore the programme