What anticipatory grief looks like
- Crying at the sight of them while they're still here
- Constant monitoring — appetite, breathing, whether today was a good day
- Dread that makes it hard to be present with them
- Guilt about feeling relief that it might soon be over
Thinking about the decision in advance
Deciding in advance what a good day and a bad day look like — written down, in plain terms — makes the decision far less agonising when it arrives. Track them over a week or two rather than trying to judge from a single afternoon.
Being with them now
- Do the small ordinary things they still enjoy, not a grand farewell.
- Let yourself have unremarkable time together. That's what you'll remember.
- Ask your vet the direct questions now, while there's no pressure.
- Line up your own support for afterwards before you need it.
Where to go next
Three things that people find useful at this point — all free to start.
Free guide
The Anticipatory Grief Guide
For the time before: how to grieve and care at the same time, how to think about quality of life, and how to make the days you still have bearable. Enter your email and I'll send it over.
Free quiz
Find your grief type
Two minutes, free, and it tells you which of the four areas to work on first.
Take the quizOnline programme
The GENTLE Path
Self-paced written lessons and audio practices that take the four areas one at a time — stop and return to it whenever you need.
Explore the programme